The Calgary Stampede – Bad Style Mecca
I have a little secret to share. Hold on to your hats, it’s a doozy! I’ve never been to the Calgary Stampede. I know, so weird right? I’ve lived in Alberta my whole life and I still haven’t been down to Cowtown to check it out.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Calgary Stampede, I stole this description from Wikipedia;
“The Calgary Stampede is an annual rodeo, exhibition and festival held every July in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. The ten-day event, which bills itself as “The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth”, attracts over one million visitors per year and features one of the world’s largest rodeos, a parade, midway, stage shows, concerts, agricultural competitions, chuck-wagon racing and First Nations exhibitions.
… The Calgary Stampede has grown into one of the world’s richest rodeos, one of Canada’s largest festivals and a significant tourist attraction for the city. Rodeo and chuck-wagon racing events are televised across Canada.
Calgary’s national and international identity is tied to the event. It is known as the “Stampede City”, carries the informal nickname of “Cowtown” and the local Canadian Football League team is called the Stampeders. The city takes on a party atmosphere during Stampede: office buildings and storefronts are painted in cowboy themes, residents don western wear and events held across the city include hundreds of pancake breakfasts and barbecues.”
So as you can see it’s a pretty big deal over here in the ‘Bert. I like to party and this is one big party so, for me, it makes sense to go. So what’s wrong with me?
I’ve narrowed it down to two things; 1) I hate Douchebags, and 2) I hate ASTS (Alberta Small Town Style, comparable to Trailer Trash Chic)… The Calgary Stampede is their Mecca.
Don’t get me wrong, the Stampede isn’t all Douchebags and ASTS. Legitimate “Stampede” things go on as well. Rodeos, concerts, etc… but those two things just ruin it for me.
Douchebags are my numero uno deterrence, for obvious reasons (They all dress bad and they are douchey!). The second being that the Stampede is practically a runway for ASTS. Toss in the fact that Douchebags eat that ASTS up and I think you can see where my hesitation comes from.
What does ASTS look like? Well it’s very simple. Like this (girls identities protected for obvious reasons);
It seems pretty tame (boring, actually), but when I see this I cringe. It seems as if they don’t like themselves (which means stage 5 clinger!). Plus, I actually feel sorry for these girls because the only guys that like this look are Douchebags, and who wants to end up with a guy like this (guys identities NOT protected for obvious reasons);
For all I know, these guys could be quite nice. Not douchey at all, but let’s be honest; any guy that pops his collar whilst wearing a necklace and swimming trucks, gets instantly thrown into the douche category. Hey semi-good looking guy on the left, I noticed you only like buttoning the middle button on your shirt… INSTA-DOUCHE!
I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.
For anyone going to the Stampede, have fun! Don’t let my snobby fashion attitude deter you from going (You know, because after all, I have that much influence over you!). Just be on high alert for D-bags and ASTS… and if you fall into the clutches of one of these fine specimens, don’t say I didn’t warn you!